Children, 10 and 11, Scarred by Mom’s Haircut

BROOKLYN, NY–—Two siblings, a boy and girl (names withheld) are in stable condition after their mother got most of her hair cut off on Sunday.

The woman (whose name is being withheld to protect against retaliation) recently turned 50, but she insists the bold move was motivated more by Covid lockdown than a crisis over ageing. “It was just so long,” she said, when confronted by reporters on her stoop. “I was wearing it in a bun 24/7, even to bed. It was enough already, I needed a change.”

She claims she warned her kids prior to the appointment that she was planning to “go short,” but immediately upon her arrival at home, both children convulsed in pain. “I hate it!” said her daughter, fighting tears “It’s—it’s—ugly!” “Yeah, I hate it too,” the son chimed in, “It’s disgusting.”

In the days since the incident, the kids have tried to resume normal activities but doctors treating the pair say it’ll be a long road back, and the effects could be permanent. “These kids are going to need a lot of help, a lot of support from the community,” said Dr. Delphine Cole, who heads the Appearance-Related Trauma department at Weill-Cornell Medical Center in Manhattan.

When a reporter pointed out that Dr. Cole’s haircut is similar in length to her patient’s, Dr. Cole responded: “I’ve had short hair since I was pregnant with my first child. I followed the Surgeon General’s guidelines for Maternal Image Permanence (M.I.P.), and my children are thriving.”

Charges have not been filed against the mother, but the case is still pending. Asked if she has any remorse for taking such a radical step, the Haircut Mom just shrugged and said No, in fact, she feels “liberated.” “Who knows when I’ll be able to get another haircut? I’m bracing for another long year. Plus, at the end of the day, it’s just hair.” ❏

Photo by Daniel Apodaca

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5 Responses

  1. Hilarious!!! Yes very funny MOM! Will they search me out as the perpetrator? Do I need to go into the “witness (artist) protection program”?

  2. Still a bit scarred when long haired 70s Mom cut her hair short and got a perm all at once around 1978 or ‘79 based on the date Annie premiered.

  3. Still a bit scarred when long haired 70s Mom cut her hair short and got a perm all at once around 1978 or ‘79, based on the date Annie premiered.

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