“Tom Cruise is not messing around when it comes to COVID-19 guidelines. Cruise reportedly yelled at the crew on the set of Mission: Impossible 7 in Britain, after he saw two crew members standing too close together in front of a computer screen.” — Vulture, December 15, 2020
- Mispronouncing the name “Kamala”
- Not knowing the difference between bi-, pan-, and poly-
- Owning stock in Amazon
- Saying Jill Biden is not a doctor
- Scraping food waste into a trash bag instead of composting
- Canceling your recurring contribution to Fairfight
- Assuming someone’s gender
- Failing to recognize the contributions of Black women in Georgia
- Leaving a car idling for more than 60 seconds
- Opening a window when the heat is running
- Not leaving a note when you go to the store
- Not helping a little old lady cross the street
- Leaving the toilet seat up
- Tracking mud into the house
- Answering a question in class without raising your hand
- Slacking off at school just because you’ve already gotten into college
- Calling your friend’s dad “Jeff” instead of “Mr. Patterson”
- Going through a stop sign before a full “Three Mississippi” count
- Tipping less than 20% on a check
- Saying something at all when you didn’t have anything nice to say
- Putting off till tomorrow what could be done today
- Failing to be kind and/or rewind
- Wearing white pants after Labor Day
- Questioning Scientology in any way, shape, or form. ❏
Keith Rubin is a writer and actor in NYC whose work you can read in McSweeney’s, Reductress, and Above Average. His work has also appeared on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and At Home with Amy Sedaris.
