13 year-old Me’s Grievances for 42 year-old Me

1. What do you mean I never saw New Kids on the Block in concert?
2. Why are my bangs the same length as my hair? 
3. By the way, why IS there no Salon Selectives hair spritz in this house?
4. I thought we decided that once we got contacts,  glasses would never be worn outside of the house?
5. Gross, you drink wine?
6. So, weekend sleepovers at your friend’s houses just stop? Lame. 
7. I can’t believe you don’t turn the treadmill up to full speed just to see how fast you can go. 
8. How come there are no Little Debbie Snack Cakes in this house?
9. Who’s this dude in your wedding picture? It’s definitely not Fred Savage.  
10. You write articles and submit them to electronic magazines? That’s not what I meant when I said I wanted to be famous when I grow up. ❏

Dana Storino is a wife, mother of three humans, and one very energetic Dalmatian. She resides in Chicago, Illinois. and works as a special education classroom assistant for Chicago Public Schools.