I Am Not A Robot

There’s been a lot of confusion online lately about whether or not I’m a robot, and I’ve got to admit, I’m starting to wonder. I mean, I can keep on clicking boxes with pictures of street signs, mailboxes and bridges, but is that enough? Maybe someone designed a robot that looks and acts just like me, and also has the power to identify small details in digital photographs. So—out of an abundance of caution—I started compiling a list of fairly strong indicators that I Am Not a Robot:  

  • I second-guess most of my decisions. 
  • I have frequent anxiety dreams about driving terribly or not being able to remember my highschool locker combination.
  • I have to pee approximately every hour. 
  • I’ve birthed two children through my very human vagina. 
  • I’m not so good at math. 
  • My fingerprint usually unlocks my phone.
  • I can be super lazy if I’m allowed to be.
  • I keep buying the wrong sizes of things from Amazon and having to return them. 
  • I have a terrible poker face. 
  • I feel good about myself when I’ve remembered my own tote to schlep groceries.
  • I know the word schlep.  
  • I get paranoid when someone doesn’t text back right away. 
  • I’ve all but stopped using plastic straws. 
  • I worry about being boring and having bad breath. 
  • I have breath.
  • I keep meaning to start meditating.
  • I’ve been driving for 34 years, and I’ve only gotten two moving violations. They were both on the same day. 
  • I’m a little anxious I might be a robot. Which I’m pretty sure isn’t true for most robots. ❏

Photo by Rock n Roll Monkey


2 Responses

  1. E-Lisa – I am here to assure you – and I can attest to the fact – that you are NOT a robot. And do pursue the meditation thing – it will help to assuage your robot-anxiety. 🙂

  2. Can a robot smile and laugh? Maybe, but not spontaneously and not in a way that is infectious….spreading wry times to others. Thanks for sharing your doubts and giving us a chance to reassure you!!

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