All Bow Down to Peppa

As we grind into Month Seven of our virus quarantine and Day Eight of our isolation from the fires and the rancid air it spews forth, I fear madness has finally descended upon our small world.

As I look in the eyes of the others here, all I see is the exhausted fear of the ever-changing unknown. Waiting, searching for hope.

A feral child, one who has seen the earth revolve around the sun but twice, runs wild, screaming plaintive cries for the capricious, strong-willed young sow we’ve all begun to worship, the one who goes by “Peppa.” For though I cannot endorse many of the sociopathic antics of this shameless porker, it is she, and only she, who can calm this beastly tot. But at what price?

With her dangerously catchy opening jingle having taken firm residence in a deep part of my brain that now never sleeps, this vainglorious swine surely knows that she and her inner cadre of cohorts—Suzy Sheep, Pedro Pony, and Candy Cat—hold complete and utter reign over whatever tiny remnants of sanity that still remain in this all too fragile domicile. How long before Peppa’s light-hearted enticements to “jump in muddy puddles” turn into a dictatorial command? And how long before we’re willing to do it just to keep the peace?

Our only relief these days seemingly coming from the goods we receive directly from the Amazon and its tribal chief, Bezos. But even then we often don’t know if these rations will hold, or if they, perchance, have once more been vastly over-ordered through a haze of confusion mixed with the soothing tonic from the Blanc of Sauvignon.

Again, the child screeches and wails, “Peppa!!!” in a frenzied pitch that immediately clarifies that this is no longer a want, but now a demand. A definite need. But will we once again give in to the ever-growing power of this porcine diva and allow it to cast its hypnotic spell on our impressionable offspring, or will we hold strong to our values and bequeath upon our precious child the knowledge that there is more to learn in this world than what an animated pig can teach you?

I think you already know the answer to that…❏

Joey Gutierrez is a writer and father, and is currently exhausted.

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