Survey Monkey: Trump’s Handling of the Coronavirus

We’d love to get your feedback on how things are going for you and your family during this crisis, so that we can move forward with even greater efficiency! 

Please take a moment to fill out this survey. —The Federal Government

1) When the President gives his daily Task Force address, do you tune in?

Yes/No 

2) (If Yes) How do these briefings make you feel?

1. Calm and reassured
2. Patriotic, because I’m helping his ratings
3. Really mad at reporters and Dems. Why are they so mean to him?
4. Tickled by Trump’s deft use of sarcasm.

3) (If Yes) When the President floats medications that might possibly be effective, you: 

• Take it seriously. He IS the President.
• Take it with a grain of salt. He’s NOT a doctor.
• Don’t even listen, because he’s obviously just riffing.
• Laugh. He’s obviously kidding around.

4) (If No) What is the main reason you don’t tune in?

1. You’re working an essential job.
2. You feel threatened by the President’s giant brain.
3. You hate America.
4. You have no sense of humor, can’t take a joke. 

5) When the President tweets things like “Liberate Virginia!” and “Protect the 2^ndAmendment!” you think to yourself:

1. “He’s really making America great again.”
2. “Why don’t I have a gun, again?”
3. “He’s such a hard worker.”
4. “What a cut-up.”

6) When the President contradicts his own advice, how does that make you feel? 

1. Clever, because I get it.
2. Presidential, because sometimes I do that kind of thing too.
3. Confused, but also patriotic, because it’s the new American way.
4. Angry at the media for causing this mess.

 7) What would you like to see more of, in the coming months:

1. The President being nasty to reporters: They deserve it for being so nosy!
2. The President offering more home remedies: They’re really creative!
3. The President reporting on his ratings/social media following: It’s really great for morale!
4. The President making shit up. It’s jazz, man. 

 8) When I see “experts” next to the President, I think:

1. Come on, I could do that.
2. You think you’re so great just because you studied all that stuff. 
3. Why are you trying to outshine the President?
4. They’re boring. I turn the channel. 

9) When the President doesn’t do a briefing at all, I feel:

1. Worried: Is he okay?
2. A little cheated. I miss the repartee. 
3. Reassured, because I know he’s off watching TV. 
4. Anxious. Something’s not quite right. 

 10) If you could personally thank the President for one thing, what would it be?

1. Helping me sleep less: It’s overrated!
2. Stirring up my rage: It’s a form of daily exercise!
3. Sharpening the divisions in the country: Things were too fuzzy before!
4. Teaching me how sarcasm works: I get it now. 

❑

Photo by Jared Drice