My hands are sweaty!!! My breathing is fast!!! Other visceral examples of my effort so you’re wowed by my prose and momentarily forget my Math SAT score!!!
Did I hook you? Good. Let me explain.
That gripping first paragraph was about a formative experience I had while performing my extracurricular activity. Because we were informed Junior Year that we needed a passion in order to get into college, and because this extracurricular is something I’ve been doing since fifth grade, it is truly my absolute passion.
I first dedicated myself to this passion at the tender age of ten, when my parents gave me the choice of two passions and I chose this one.
My passion has molded me, taught me, and kept me from getting to third base with Scarlett Cho. I look forward to pursuing it for the rest of my life, or until October of Freshman Year when I drop it so I have more time to experiment with binge drinking. I would like to note that the previous sentence is one that my mom told me to take from the fourth paragraph and stick closer to the middle. It makes no sense here, does it, Mom?
Last spring, I won an award for my passion at my school, because Hannah Meyerwitz-Young had her Juilliard callback the day of the competition and therefore was ineligible.
This prize isn’t really a big deal but my Admissions Counselor said mentioning awards and honors will help make me a “more competitive candidate.” (I don’t need help being competitive—I’ve been hacking into my classmates’ essays and switching “you’re” and “your” since June.)
As I walked onto the stage to accept my prize, I thought about all of the life obstacles that I had overcome to get here: My privileged suburban upbringing; that time in the ninth grade when I chose “Love on Top” as my karaoke song; walking in on my parents having sex when I was twelve, which is past the age when it’s okay, and weird because they’d already gotten divorced. We never spoke of it, but my dad has been very generous with Apple products ever since.
But I digress.
Now I will tell you why my passion proves my academic potential. The skills I’ve learned from my passion include leadership, commitment, and proficiency with Excel and PowerPoint. It’s given me an understanding of the majestic order of the universe and the cruel nature of the world that belies my young age; my dad wrote that sentence. My passion also reminds me of the green light in The Great Gatsby.
Most importantly, I have not yet reached the word limit.
This passion has such an average program at your college! I know this because you have an institute we couldn’t see during our tour because the institute is very far from the Visitor’s Center. My mom said, “They expect me to buy an umbrella with their logo on it before you’ve even been accepted? Fuck them, let’s go visit Tufts.”
Oh—did I mention my community service? ❏
Cornelia Blumpf lives in a brownstone you can’t afford.
Photo by Darya Tryfanava