How Mike Pence Changed Me From a Hater Into a Lover

I used to hate you but now I love you 
Because you know how to find real shit—and you eat it
Because you have not only one, but TWO red eyes
Because the sound of your name defines you—you fly, you lie

Because your humble origins begin as an ovum placed on carrion, dung or food waste, then turn into a crawling maggot, then cocoon in a pupa and emerge as a full adult
Because for nourishment you vomit on any pabulum, regurgitate it, suck it up and feed on it
Because you live in humble dumpsters and port-a-potties
Because you abandon polluted water sources

Because you’ve inspired unforgettable movies and scenes—The Fly, Amityville Horror and literary masterpieces of evil—The Lord of the Flies
Because you are a superspreader of dysentery, food poisoning, COVID-19?
Because you annoy and distract real humans
Because you are attracted to Aqua Net For Men. ❏

Elizabeth Reed is an author, musician, political activist and traveler who has visited over 45 countries with her husband and one or two children in tow.  

Photo by Zoaib Khan