Dear Aspiring Idiot

Thank you for your submission. After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that your piece, “Exploiting My Brown Skin For Likes” is not suitable for us at this time. 

However, we thought that your use of an 8th grade literary device was particularly moving, and we felt that it was especially effective paired with your inclusion of [GENERIC RELIGIOUS TRAUMA] and [CONFUSING, YET INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN]. 

We noticed the significant literary influences in your work, such as Your High School History Teacher Who You Had An Inappropriate Crush On, and Kate Bush‘s Wuthering Heights

Submissions for our next issue will be entirely done by Fourteen Year Olds Who Have More Talent Than You. Don’t even bother! 

Best wishes,

Blue Balls

Madeleine Tomasoa has a crippling disease that makes them write fruitlessly for ‘a living’ and ‘for fun.’



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