Blessed be the Lord our God, ruler of the universe and holder of a vast array of patents and trademarks prohibiting the infringement thereupon, who has gathered us here tonight to bless this meal of delicious crustaceans native to the littoral of this land. Though You have said whatever does not have fins and scales among all the teaming life of the water is detestable to You, we try to keep an open mind, knowing that these carcasses are not detestable to us when properly seasoned, and thus there must have been some sort of misunderstanding, knowing it happens sometimes, and everyone has their own opinion anyway; and though You may say we don’t listen closely to Your word, it is only because we are perhaps distracted by the bounty of Your generosity: The fruit of the vine, the dishes of the side and the milk of the cow (thus churned in your name) which is quickly getting cold as we anticipate dipping into it the flesh of the claw and the tail, Your creations all; or perhaps it is not that we do not listen, but that we are a people equally hungry for dinner as we are thirsty for knowledge, and You made us that way, which is on You, if You want to push the point, but let’s not get into that again, and therefore we change the subject and give thanks in Your name. Amen. ❏
Adam Silberberg writes scripts and other lies.
Photo by Louis Hansel