7 Things I’m Doing to Survive the Grape-Nuts Shortage

As a proud member of the Grape-Nuts community, I’ve been grieving. 

The Grape-Nuts shortage has been ongoing for months, and we ‘Nutters rejoiced when we learned that our beloved brand will be back on the shelves in mid-March. Until then, I soldier on in a grape-less and nut-less cereal world by:

  1. Soaking pieces of granite in 2% organic grass-fed milk, then grinding them around my molars pre-swallow.
  2. Rolling into a ball and rocking, while listening to Paula Cole’s Harbinger album. 
  3. Wearing my high school field hockey mouth guard to acquire a similar mouthfeel.
  4. Weeping when I hear Ava Maria, on loop, wherever I go.
  5. Munching on my kidney stones, passed June 19th, 2018.
  6. Watching the Rush Hour Trilogy again and again, bringing me back to a simpler time, where rapid-fire lazy sexist and racist rants in cinema were passed off as funny, and there were enough Grape-Nuts for everyone.
  7. Eating flavorful soft food instead. ❏

Felicia Scarangello lives in Brooklyn with her family and a leopard gecko named Maggie. 


6 Responses

  1. I always assumed all the boxes of Grape Nuts in my grocery store were shelved to make our octogenarians feel nostalgic for when food had no taste and hurt to eat. Silly me.

  2. I still have a grape nut lodged between two molars from 2001. Cant wait for them to come back

  3. Foreseeing this possible turn of events, in 2011 I purchased a box of magic Grape-Nuts guaranteed never to run out during my lifetime. Sadly, Kellogg discontinued this item a year later.

  4. The only thing that keeps me going during my intermittent fasting between the hours of 8:00 am and 9:00 am every other Friday is the thought of a giant bowl of Grape-Nuts. I just don’t think I can take any more disappointments like this. Did you hear me universe? Ya, it’s me talking. My name is for real Karen so I might as well go straight to the top and speak for all of us. We are all down here trying to be best and you are letting us down left and right. Please, Do Better…

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