As a proud member of the Grape-Nuts community, I’ve been grieving.
The Grape-Nuts shortage has been ongoing for months, and we ‘Nutters rejoiced when we learned that our beloved brand will be back on the shelves in mid-March. Until then, I soldier on in a grape-less and nut-less cereal world by:
- Soaking pieces of granite in 2% organic grass-fed milk, then grinding them around my molars pre-swallow.
- Rolling into a ball and rocking, while listening to Paula Cole’s Harbinger album.
- Wearing my high school field hockey mouth guard to acquire a similar mouthfeel.
- Weeping when I hear Ava Maria, on loop, wherever I go.
- Munching on my kidney stones, passed June 19th, 2018.
- Watching the Rush Hour Trilogy again and again, bringing me back to a simpler time, where rapid-fire lazy sexist and racist rants in cinema were passed off as funny, and there were enough Grape-Nuts for everyone.
- Eating flavorful soft food instead. ❏
Felicia Scarangello lives in Brooklyn with her family and a leopard gecko named Maggie.