7 Things I’m Doing to Survive the Grape-Nuts Shortage

As a proud member of the Grape-Nuts community, I’ve been grieving. 

The Grape-Nuts shortage has been ongoing for months, and we ‘Nutters rejoiced when we learned that our beloved brand will be back on the shelves in mid-March. Until then, I soldier on in a grape-less and nut-less cereal world by:

  1. Soaking pieces of granite in 2% organic grass-fed milk, then grinding them around my molars pre-swallow.
  2. Rolling into a ball and rocking, while listening to Paula Cole’s Harbinger album. 
  3. Wearing my high school field hockey mouth guard to acquire a similar mouthfeel.
  4. Weeping when I hear Ava Maria, on loop, wherever I go.
  5. Munching on my kidney stones, passed June 19th, 2018.
  6. Watching the Rush Hour Trilogy again and again, bringing me back to a simpler time, where rapid-fire lazy sexist and racist rants in cinema were passed off as funny, and there were enough Grape-Nuts for everyone.
  7. Eating flavorful soft food instead. ❏

Felicia Scarangello lives in Brooklyn with her family and a leopard gecko named Maggie. 

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2 Responses

  1. I always assumed all the boxes of Grape Nuts in my grocery store were shelved to make our octogenarians feel nostalgic for when food had no taste and hurt to eat. Silly me.

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